Coffee from a Reusable Ceramic Mug

So I guess it’s finally time to announce (to all ten of you who read this) that I am pregnant. That sentence would probably end with an exclamation point if I weren’t so tired. I am at the end of the 14th week, and have been exhausted for most of the pregnancy so far. The doc said that usually, the hormones causing the fatigue peak at around 14 weeks and then get better. That was last week, and I was highly suspicious that she was humoring me

I thought I was just extra tired from taking care of a toddler. That, and I am only now starting to believe that I am actually pregnant again (Denial latest a while this time). However, a week on my own in Italy with many chances to rest left me realizing that I am in fact pregnant and exhausted from the hormones. I bonded a lot with Assisi by lying on the ground every chance I got. Going to a Yoga retreat in such a state was a really enlightening experience. I figured out that my body wants silence and rest this pregnancy unlike the first one when I did lots of chanting and breath work even in the first trimester. This time, lying on the ground in deep relaxation seems to be the only thing that feels good. It’s a bit tough to do that for an entire day though. Needless to say, I am not getting out much these days.

I will try to post an ultrasound or something soon. At the moment, I am prioritizing how I use my energy, and uploading photos keeps getting pushed to the side. I don’t really look pregnant yet. I am just a bit too big for my normal pants, but if I eat a big meal, the belly starts to pop out.

In the mean time, here is a favorite photos from Assisi. (The veil was to keep the sun off but it creates a nice picture too)

One more day, and I am out of here - really! I leave on Wednesday for a week in Italy on a retreat with one of my Yoga teachers. All without my family!

I keep thinking that part of me should be sad or guilty about that last bit, but I have to say that the last bit is like the most delicious chocolate icing on an already awesome cake. Taking care of a toddler (and for the past few days, a sick husband) sucks the energy out of you. I am in need of a recharge. Plus, it has been over two years since I have done any kind of ‘Yoga camp’, and that kind of intense practice has a way of rekindling the spiritual fire. I’ve come to recognize retreats as a fundamental part of my lifelong practice.

I am excited for Matthias as well. He gets to experience and entire week of being the only parent. I don’t know if he is as confident in himself as I am, but I think they will have a great time. I’ve done four weeks, total of alone time with Clair, and even though it is tough, it is also a unique time where we create a unique space for just the two of us. I am curious to see what comes of Matthias’ time alone with her.

Plus, Italian food!!!!!! Oh how I miss Italian food.

I am leaving my computer here, so I’ll be disconnected for a week as well. If I don’t respond to communications, you’ll know why.

Ahhhhhh - I can’t wait to retreat.

I came across this article today about, essentially, unhappiness. It focuses on mothers on how many get lost in the pile of work that arises when you have to suddenly take care of an additional person or so, but I think it is more representative of a modern (American) state of living. The kind of attitude where people wear their exhaustion and imbalance like a badge of honor to show how important they are.

I’ve thought about this a lot in the past ten years or so. I tend to be the kind of person who will take on too much if I don’t stop and think about priorities (though I have worked hard to rethink this attitude - admittedly, this mostly came from my Yoga practice). I was forced to really reconsider slowing down after a car accident and lots of pain meds. I was only incapacitated for a short time, but I thought I lot lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. Since then, I’ve noticed that I seem to be a magnet for overworked/exhausted personalities who believe they ‘thrive’ on stress (mostly in my professional life). I am grateful for these people for reminding me to enjoy rest and having moments of complete down time; they have been a wonderful mirror of who I might have become today if I hadn’t made some big changes in life. I may have been just fine either way, but I am particularly happy and grateful for my life at the moment.

I am especially grateful for a husband who respects that and supports it for both of us. I can’t imagine being a mom without that kind of support for my down time. I’m not saying that we don’t get stressed out, but stress is not the norm during our evenings and weekends, and we try to keep it that way. Letting the house get messy and periodically running out of clean clothes seems to have become part of the compromise for our relaxation. I can live with that.

No food or water for 70 years? No problem, just meditate! I’ve heard of this man, and I think he has been in the hospitals before and they were astounded by the fact that he just kind of lives on air. Now, the Indian military have him under surveillance to see if they can learn from him. I suspect that sitting down and speaking with him may be a more efficient way to learn what he is doing. Even if the claim of 70 years is off, the man can obviously go for incredibly long periods of time without food or water in a very warm climate. I’d love to be able to speak to him.

I went to a workshop for women looking to become self-employed in Regensburg today. It was a full day with an overwhelming amount of information, not to mention a whole heck of a lot of technical German spoken with varying levels of Bayrisch. The first seminar was really basic information on starting a business. The speaker started by listing the typical ways women start businesses, and I pretty much fit each of the items she listed. Most women who start their own businesses are between 35 and 54 years old. More than 70% of these businesses include only the founder initially. Those were just two examples, which I would fit fairly well. Here, I thought I was somehow outstanding

There were a few interesting contradictions, like when the one speaker said that most women’s personal businesses start small and build into something larger (implying that men start larger with more risk, I guess). At the same time, the other speakers seemed to be assuming that the participants should be thinking on a small scale. If workshops geared toward women are discouraging big ideas, are they simply supporting their audiences or perpetuating the idea that women should start small because that’s what they do? Maybe I over think these things. I have been to self-employment seminars in the US, which were for a mixed gender audience, and they had a much different feel and a larger vision for their participants. That may be a cultural difference too between the US and Germany and also between large and small towns (the US seminars were in DC).

I was surprised to see that I recognized some women there, and at least one recognized me, but I had no idea how I knew them. It may just be that I live in a small enough town that I know them from the street. The one woman and I took a few minutes to try to figure out how we know each other and never figured it out. I hope I see her again because it is bugging me.

Anyway, I am a bit overwhelmed with all of the information at the moment and trying to get through the small mountain of reading material. I am pretty sure I haven’t violated any tax laws or anything with my limited self-employment activities, but I can’t be sure. This is a whole other way of seeing the world so I feel like I am starting from scratch. I am used to working inside of a big infrastructure where a smart woman asks me for all of my data, does some magic, and the money magically shows up in my bank account while I focus my energy on doing the job. I need a smart woman to run the business for me, and, frighteningly, I think that smart woman is me - scary (her German is not as good as it could be).

One fun thing that came out of the day is that I learned that Friday, March 26th is Germany’s national Equal Pay Day and the Rote Tasche (Red Purse) Initiative (and by ‘fun’ I mean a nice feeling of speaking with a politically active, interesting woman who told me about the initiative). The idea is to draw attention to the fact that women STILL earn less money than men for the same job. I, for one, should earn about 22% more than an equally qualified man just for being so darn fun to work with, on top of being extremely competent (right Brian?). The pay gap in Germany is about the same as in the US. There is a discussion in Regensburg around noon on Friday - details can be found here. Some of the shops are marking the day with ‘unhappy hour’ and if you show up with a red bag (or a lapel pin of a red purse) they have some gifts/discounts; a list of participating retails can be found here. I personally think the stores could do a better job of supporting the day by simply assuring and publicizing that their female employees are not being shafted in their pay, but what do I know? - Yay for shopping, right?

(psst, look at the photo sideways - it’s a heart)
I know it is cold out and there is still snow on the ground (and probably more to fall), but darn it, it is time to get ready for spring. When the weather turns, my body starts carving a bit more exercise so I usually start doing some more intense Asana practices (Yoga postures) around this time of year.

This year, I am a bit ahead of the equinox and decided to start today with Matthias. We don’t usually practice together, but he really likes when I lead him through a strong, butt kicking exercise and don’t let him cheat through any of it. We were having a great time, and then, after about an hour, Clair woke up fussing from her nap. Once she joined us, we quickly diverged from the practice I planned as she usually likes to be on my mat while I practice. Matthias could distract her long enough for me to do some inverted postures (until he had to come back and help me out of a rather tricky one I haven’t worked on in a long time). All and all, it was a nice start, and I am sure we will both be sore tomorrow.

The plan is to do this practice 2 to 3 times a week. Thursdays are going to be an open practice, and I am letting my friends know they are welcome to come and learn it (we start at 9:30 sharp). If any of you Regensburgers are interested, just send me an email. It is a practice for people with relatively healthy backs and shoulders (If you want to learn Yoga and have back/shoulder problems, there are better practices I can teach). I can help people adapt for most health issues, but I need a bit of a heads up if you’d like to come. If you a relatively healthy and are looking for a way to get in shape for the spring, come by!

Hi out there. I know that in my mind, I think only friend/family read this blog, but every once in a while I meet someone who I don’t know very well, and they say, “Hey, I read your blog.” It is still strange that our lives sound interesting enough for strangers to read. Once in a while, a complete stranger comments on the blog too, so there must be more than 10 people reading this.

Anyway, I am looking for some information, and I’d figure I’d tap the pool of potential strangers who read this to see what kind of wisdom is out there. I have been helping a nice man named Remo who published the book in the image there (feel free to click to buy). His German Yoga book is quite popular at the moment, and he is looking to bring it to the US market.

He contacted me more for my English and Yoga knowledge (for translation help) than for my knowledge of publishing, but I have been hitting up every potential publishing/Yoga contact I know about breaking into the US market. Long story short, I am over my head and can’t really help him. Does anyone out there know anything that would be helpful about finding a literary agent or publisher looking to take on an English version of the book?

You get three guesses to figure out who said this (I used this quote as part of a Yoga practice in remembrance of this day in 2007):

I refuse to accept the cynical notion that nation after nation must spiral down a militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. I believe that even amid today’s mortar bursts and whining bullets, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow. I believe that wounded justice, lying prostrate on the blood-flowing streets of our nations, can be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men. I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down men other-centered can build up. I still believe that one day mankind will bow before the altars of God and be crowned triumphant over war and bloodshed, and nonviolent redemptive good will proclaim the rule of the land. “And the lion and the lamb shall lie down together and every man shall sit under his own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid.”

I remember a lot of my dreams. There are many kinds of dreams; some of them are fun and silly, some scary, and sometimes, I have dreams that seem very profound. Those are the ones I pay attention to because when I wake up from them, I tell myself that it meant something important. I have been having some profound dreams lately. They all have a similar theme. We are in California (doing various things depending on the night), and I turn to Matthias and say, “I really think we are supposed to be back here.” I wake up feeling like it’s time to go back to California because that’s where I am supposed to be.

Am I feeling home sick?

I am working with the Yoga Sutras in my Yoga practice at the moment, and that tends to dig up stuff deep in my brain. I never know what’s going to come up, but it makes me have strange profound dreams sometimes (usually, it helps me see what is going on inside my head once I can figure out what my dreams are telling me).

Thanks to my friend Steve, I bought the National Geographic special Stress: Portrait of a Killer from iTunes tonight. It is an awesome look at the long and short term health effects of living with stress. It is based on the work of Robert Sapolsky who also wrote Why Zebras don’t get Ulcers. This is one of the required reading texts for the Yoga Therapists training from my teacher (which Steve is part of).

Long story short, stress is bad - duh. It shows some interesting details about why it’s bad and how it affects your mind and body. Dr. Sapolsky studies baboons, and so a lot of the documentary focuses on some of the results he has learned from his work with them in the past 30 years. Matthias and I are still laughing at how we are basically just baboons who drink coffee. Some of the other researchers in the film have worked with humans, and so the results are a bit more subtle but just as interesting. I think we all know that living with stress is not good for but, I like to be reminded about how important it is to take care to manage stress everyday. This film did a good job of that without trying to tell you how to live your life.

Seeing that does give me some confidence in the idea of shifting from a science-based career path to more of sharing Yoga with people. I know it has helped me, personally, manage stress better though I am always trying to do better with that. I have inherited my dad’s nervous mind, so it will always be an up hill battle for me, I suspect. It would be cool to know that something I can share with someone else could help them deal more effectively with stress too.

I have to say that the video of the baboon families also made me laugh at myself because the little baby baboons clingy to their mommies looked a lot like Clair holding on to me in her carrier! I have been calling her my little monkey lately, but maybe she is a bit more like a baboon than I realized! If she looks like a baby baboon, then what does that make me?